Slender Man insults the horror film industry
Congratulations, Sony. You have somehow managed to make a movie worse than The Emoji Movie. While movie critics’ favorite punching bag of a movie (cough) The Emoji Movie (cough) is horrifically bad, there is one heaping pile of garbage that has seeped through the cracks of the walls of Sony Pictures that is so inexcusably horrendous, it even makes a movie about talking emojis look like the quality of Disney.
In case you are not familiar with this fictional horror character, Slender Man, created by Eric Knudsen, he is an unusually tall humanoid-like monster with no facial features, a fitted black suit, and unnaturally long limbs. Slender Man is commonly known to stalk, prey on, and abduct innocent children… specifically younger children (something even the movie writers weren’t aware of). People may recognize him from Knudsen’s popular tall tale or (better known by the media as) Creepypasta (a Creepypasta is an essential type of internet horror story that has accumulated a huge following on forum sites and other social media.) story named after the tall-limbed man. Perhaps people may recognize the name from the infamous “Slender Man Stabbing” of 2014. Regardless of your knowledge of Slender Man, it is no surprise that he has become an internet icon in the Creepypasta realm and beyond, even influencing Sony to produce a movie based on him. However, even as a fan of Creepypasta, I dreaded this movie ever since the release of its trailer.
In a small town located in Massachusetts, four best friends, Wren, Hallie, Chloe, and Katie, decide to summon Slender Man via an online video at a sleepover after a group of guys at school claim they were going to summon him themselves. The tables turn two weeks after the viewing when Katie abruptly goes missing at a school field trip. At first, the remaining girls were terrified and left with little reason as to why Katie suddenly vanishes. The girls then begin to have nightmares and hallucinations containing the horrific… I mean horrifically crafted CGI character, Slender Man. After Slender Man drives the girls to a point of insanity, the girls are determined to find a way to bring Katie back, even if it means risking their lives.
The movie’s biggest flaw is its failure to inform the viewers about Slender Man accurately. Knudsen’s story does not at any point disclose the idea of summoning Slender Man by watching a video online. It is evident that the writers ripped off the idea of the summoning from The Ring, an iconic horror movie within the industry. While the girls read his origins from an iphone, it makes it very clear that Slender Man only takes young children, so why would he take teenagers that are nearing adulthood? A better alternative could have been casting four younger girls instead of four young adults to play the main four characters. This would stay true to the Slender Man story. Also, many viewers, including myself, are tired of cliche horror movie plots involving high schoolers. Many teenagers portrayed in horror movies and the media in general are portrayed as rebellious, selfish, and dim witted. What makes the teens worse in this movie is that they are deprived of personality. After watching the movie, I couldn’t name a single personality trait of any character. Slender Man does not give a single purpose for these characters expect to be the title character’s punching bags and lab rats. Another one of Slender Man’s major flaws is its lack of focus on the plot. One minute, the girls are trying to save Katie, and the next minute, Hallie has a date with a high school crush? There was not a single moment where I felt scared or creeped out. The only emotions I felt throughout the duration of this movie were confusion, frustration, and boredom.
While few and far in between, there are a few so-called pros to Slender Man that keep it from being the worst movie ever. Joey King is doubtless the most believable actress in this movie despite her character having the personality of stale bread. I tend to feel bad for her because she has a great amount of potential, but she continues to get casted in bad films.
The Kissing Booth, featuring the Slender Man actress, is another poorly mad film judging by the reviews it has received. Another tragedy of a film, Wish Upon, also stars Joey herself and strangely (no pun intended) Shannon Purser a.k.a. Barbara from Stranger Things.
Besides King, nobody will recognize the others considering Slender Man is a debut for many of them. Aside from the former, despite having the budget it has, contains somewhat decent cinematography… even when it is not used to is full potential such as the jumpscares that are about as scary as a kid wearing a Transformers costume on halloween.
What else is there to say? Slender Man by Sony Pictures is simply a catastrophe… a disaster waiting to happen upon viewers’ eyes. It is simple a non-redeemable film, and that depiction alone is not enough to describe my anger for this movie. Even if you have a knack for bad movie nights, do the world a favor and avoid this movie at all costs. It is not worth a single second of your time nor a single penny out of your wallet containing money that will later be spent in the arcade room. How ironic that a cash grab film like Slender Man barely made back its budget of a measly ten million dollars. You deserve your 11% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
